Young love is ruthless, so learn to fly.

I just got hit with a sudden wave of anxiety about I don't know what.  Maybe because I finally decided to balls up and call someone next week?  No, I was anxious before that.  I think that fact just made it more intense.

I'm obsessed and stressed with this mess, I can't think of things to write down, to type down.

I'm really excited about French class.  I really want to learn French, it sounds like such a beautiful language.  I'm just terrible at learning vocabulary.  I think this is going to be one of the few things in life that I will put effort into.
Comment alles vous?

Young love is ruthless, so learn to fly.

Yesterday we ran before volleyball practice.  We had to sprint 100 yards in under 20 seconds, and do that 8 times.  Then we had to sprint the same distance in under 22 seconds.  We got a break between each sprint of 30 seconds.  The first time we did it a few weeks ago, I failed miserably and didn't even finish.  Yesterday I rocked it and lead the pack.  We almost sprinted a whole mile.  I usually hate running, but for some reason I want to go do it again.  It makes me feel like I've conquered the world.

...Left me shaking and waiting, shaking and waiting for something more.

I have an overwhelming feeling that something huge is about to happen and I have no idea what it is.  It's kind of a scary feeling, but at the same time it's really, really exciting.  Something epic is on the horizon, and I only have a small taste of what it might be. 

I have to read about 15 poems tonight, as well as do my French homework.  As well as plan out my big surprise.  As well as go eat real food after volleyball practice.  As well as start prepping myself for what will potentially be the most epic phone call of my life (thus far).

Deep breath, Sara.  Stop pacing.  Stop shaking.  Make something happen.

One of the many joys of life is the unknown. You never know when someone is planning to do something huge. The people around you that you love dearly may have surprises and tricks all the way up their sleeves and then down their collars. Without warning, any day now, you could fall hopelessly in love. The guy you can't get off your mind might text you. You could with the lottery.

You never know what the people around you are planning. Some secrets are best kept until the time is right.

A
few
of
my
favorite
excerpts
from
"A
Softer
World".
Something about this website is so tragically beautiful. It makes you think and laugh, and it can make you sad, but it almost always wakes up...something new within you. I'm addicted.

Just
a
few
more.

My favorite CD right now.

Besides the fact that it reminds me of the best week of my life (July 29th-August 3rd), I just can't get over how alive this album makes me feel. It makes me want to fall in love, to have tea parties in grassy meadows with old friends in tattered thrift store peasant dresses, to dance barefoot on North Quad during a rain storm. The music and the words make a huge smile break across my face, make me feel...just fucking fantastic. Thank you Mr. Beckett for making me love life.

My favorite feeling right now is in abundance, and it's unbridled joy. I'm also feeling incredibly inquisitive. I find myself looking around me, thinking about how every person near me is a, living, breathing, walking story. They have thoughts bouncing in their brains just like I do, and I bet they have incredibly interesting ideas and view points. I just want to delve in, and ask them questions about their lives. Expand my views a bit. Learn.

My favorite person in the world right now is Megan, and I miss her so much right now. I can't wait for her to skip classes with me and go to our TAI... concert and then our ATL/The Maine concert in November.

My favorite person who I can't seem to get off my mind right now is...
moving on.

My favorite thing about this "blog" is that it will never be complete. I have so many favorite things, I could never list them all. I'd just have to make several addendums.

...

Please
don't
make
me
stop
there.
Too
much
awesome.

It's about who you know.
If you got money, you get in for free.

Meet me at the parking lot,
Bang, bang, shoot 'em up, yeah.

Ignore me if you see me 'cause I just don't give a shit.

I hate it that some people assume that just because someone is shy or awkward that they're not worth putting the effort in to befriend. If that was the case, I would have no friends because I'm so shy and lack social skills.

My volleyball teammates just seem to think that people who aren't as good as them at meeting people aren't worth their time. And it upsets me, because by the time my initial shyness wears off, they'll think I'm social awkward and won't want to talk to me. My timing is terrible.

I really need to learn how to meet people. All the other freshman seem to be meeting people and making friends and learning names. I know no one. Classes haven't started yet, and I don't even know how I'll be when they do. I imagine even more awkward. Great.

But since you tagged me, I guess I will anyhow. But it's because I want to, not because I have to. Shut up.

1) How are you at the moment?
Nostalgic.
2) Why?
Because I'm looking at all the stuff I have to pack thinking about how I'm starting real school soon, and also I'm listening to The Academy Is..., and I really should stop doing so. It's not good for my psyche.
3) Give me 5 bestest persons at buzz.
Meganforlife, Ounceofwentz, Stewieismyhomeboy, Hollow1005, Crash13.
4) Do you like yourself?
When I'm not being a pansy and tearing up because of a silly band that I like too much.
5) What do you like to do in your free time?
Throw potatoes at things. Thankfully I never have free time.
6)Do you think you're able to do everything you'd like to[right now, from that place, are you confident enough //not in future]?
Not to sound conceited, but some day I'm going to take over the world, at least a little bit. I'm confident in my abilities to successfully succeed.
7) Do you think fighting make any sense?
Ask Tyler Durden.
8) Was last question clever?
My answer was better.
9) Which places you'd like to visit?
Australia, England, New York City, Japan, California, Maine, Seattle, any place in Canada, Italy, Spain...I just want to travel the world.
10)Honestly, give me one person from buzz, who made you feel special, like their friend? why?
Vanessa/Hollow1005. I would say Meganforlife, but we're already bffls and stuff in real life. But Vanessa is amazing.
11) What kind of cell phone do you have?
Samsung I think. Is that the proper answer?
12) would you like to have (new) one?
Yeah, because this is a hand-me-down from my brother, and it's been dropped so many times over the years it's ridiculous. Also it shuts off randomly and occasionally deletes the texts that I have saved.
13)Do you like to smile?
Always.
14) write poems?
Yeah, pretty much always.
15) eat?
I ♥ nom noms.
16) english?
Yay grammar.
17) french?
The extent of my French knowledge is the song "Michelle" by the Beatles, and even then I have no idea.
18)slovene?
No.
19) polish?
No
20) sports?
Fuckin' volleyball.
21) internet?
Get me away from it.
22) Do you think life gets better or worse day by day?
Well, if you're in the movie Office Space, every day is the worst day of your life. That is until a psychiatrist zonks you out and everything is a-okay.
23) Are you nervous or calm person?
I try to give the impression that I'm calm, but I'm really quite nervous and fidgety and worrisome. My biggest illegitimate fear is that some day I will get a stomach ulcer due to stress.
24) Is there any message you'd like to tell the world?
Don't ruin it for each other.
25) What's your favourite line in the song?
There are literally thousands of song snippets that make my heart race. To choose a very select few though, I'll say "Even though she doesn't believe in love, he's determined to call her bluff. Who could deny these butterflies? They're filling his guts," as well as "These lines, so well rehearsed. Tongue tied and over-loaded, you'll never notice," and "brightly dusted with a neon light." The last one, the imagery drives me apeshit. I just love it.
26) The cuttest thing you've ever heard?
"I think you're magical! Until next time, friendo." :)
27) Do you love your parents?
Yes. Very much so.
28)What would you do if tomorrow is the last day of your life?
Spill my guts, tell people exactly what's on my mind. Run a mile, just to feel the breeze. Write a bit/a lot. Play with my cat and dog, break some laws.
29)Do you often think about death?
Yes, quite often. Not in a morbid way, but more in an inquisitive way.
30) is this the last question?
You can make a survey but you don't even know when you're done? Lame.

I tag you. That's right, you. Eat it.

Today I started sorting things out to be packed for college. I have to figure out what clothes, which books, how many CDs, and if I should bring movies along.

I'm currently working on importing all the important CDs I own but aren't on my iPod. About a year ago my iPod wiped itself clean and I still haven't put the 3,000 songs back on there. I'm almost to 2,000, but I've also bought a lot of new CDs and music since then, so if I ever get this done I'll probably be around 4,000 songs. In the process of importing the X many CDs I have today, I've heard a lot of music I've been neglecting lately and it's quite refreshing.



I want to bring a huge stack of books with me as well, but I probably won't have the free time. I fear that I'm only wanting to bring some of them as a status thing, to prove to the people who visit my dorm that I'm ~deep and ~intellectual. I should just bring my Chuck Palahniuk books and Looking for Alaska and leave it at that. Oh, and I'm definitely bringing my pleather bound, gilded Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy collection. The movie was terrible but the books are mindblowingly awesome.



I just feel like this whole process is the equivalent of walking through a museum of my life. Friday morning when I leave, this room will seem incredibly barren. The walls will be pale, as many of my posters and pictures will probably come with me. The closet will retain a lot of its clothes, but there will be a lot gone as well. This is going to seem like a desolate, square room. It's not going to be the bedroom I grew up in. It's already losing its familiarity. I feel so comfortable here, so safe and sheltered. That's all going to be shattered soon and it worries me. I feel terrible because I feel like I've taken the past how many years of my life for granted. I'm about to be challenged, scared, and changed. Where I come from is a small town filled with similar morals and familiarity. I've always hated how closed-minded it is, but I never appreciated how safe and happy it is. Hmm.



If only "What shoes do I bring along?" was my biggest concern at this point.

Now, on a different vein, as per my discussion with Sue a few moments ago, there just might be a change in what I post. I've been taking the easy way out lately--posting a lot of mindless pictures just for something to look at. I would love it if I could make you think, but I don't want to be the person who tries to be deep and just ends up looking like they obviously try too hard. Ah, if only knowledge and pensiveness was effortless.

Fuck you, 17 Magazine.

"For ME TIME
Turn it up!
The perfect music for when you're...
Totally bored--Pink (untitled album)
Cleaning your room--The Killers (untitled album)
Dealing with PMS--The Academy Is... (Fast Times at Barrington High)"

Really, what the fuck? "When you're feeling cranky and emotional, you can use something a little angsty--but still fun!"

As someone who (is being a total fucktard for bragging about this) has heard the new album, I'm calling shenanigans. Excuse me for pulling holier than thou bullshit, but Fast Times is fucking genius. It is not meant to be some 15 year old girl's auditory Midol. William Beckett said that this is an album he's been waiting for a while to write, and I seriously doubt that he's been waiting for 6 years to write an album to make a girl hate her uterus less. However, if it that was indeed his intentions, I'm canceling my membership for Santi's Little Helpers, burning my TAI shirts, and I will proceed to use their previous CDs as frisbees. And then I'm going to wait every month for my period to come just so I can listen to Fast Times at Barrington High, so that I can ease my hormones.

The worst part is the picture they have attached to it. It's the entire band, and there's a speech bubble above Mr. Beckett that says "Buh-bye, cramps!"

Excuse me while I go try and find my hope for the future back.

(Wait, does this mean Same Blood had an alternative meaning!?!!?!??!)

I've spent a lot of time these past few days doing absolutely nothing. Ever since I got home from Chicago I have done maybe one thing that's productive. I spend my days here, posting pictures because I'm bored. I'm not improving as a person or a photographer, I'm being very stagnant and very boring. I get to the end of my days and look back, thinking nothing but "I wish I had gotten off that stupid computer and actually had done something." I'm being run by the wrong motivations. I need to get out of the house and actually do something interesting with my life. I need to finish the 5 books I started but didn't finish this summer, I need to get some exercise, I need to improve. I'm never going to get anywhere if I don't stand up first. I live in a town where there is hardly ever anything interesting to do at night; it's not very conducive to my "do something" plans. The options consist of going to parties or going to a campfire. I don't go to parties (yay for me for never getting invited) and I just went to a campfire last night. It's pretty boring here when you've alienated yourself from all but five friends. When I've got dreams of making it big some day (it sucks that we live in a culture that when someone admits they want to be famous some day, the knee-jerk reaction is to call the person an attention whore) and what I'm doing right now isn't contributing to these dreams, it's just tearing them down.

I need to do some meditation or something, get myself centered. In less than a week I leave to move in to college and I need to get ready for that. I need to get my head on straight. I'll see ya when I see ya.

Okee doke, it's wrap up time.

Lollapalooza was a weekend of my life spent sweat drenched with dirty feet, smelling like smoke and sunscreen, and generally giving off the impression that I have given up on hygiene.


The beauty of the situation, however, is that the 74,999 people around me were in the exact same boat.

August 1-3, 2008, was quite the interesting experience to say the least. My sister described it at least 7 times as a "weekend of decadence and indulgence." Honestly, it was.

Friday August 1 2008! The City is At War
I checked in at the Hard Rock Hotel for the press passes I was getting through Buzznet. They were nothing like I thought they'd be, to be honest. It got us a free lunch and into an after party, but I'm about 79% sure we only got in out of pity. I'll tackle that when I get to it.

Anyhow, we (sister Laura, her friend Brent, and later friend Caitlin) hit up Lolla in time to catch the end of Butch Walker, who was amazing. I'm definitely going to search for one of his albums next time I'm at the mall and have more than 43 cents. After that we watched The Go! Team, and I strongly recommend that everyone and their mother see this band at least once before they die. Every member is incredibly energetic and multi-talented. They switched around instruments almost constantly.
Next on the bill was Louis XIV, who were amazing. We got 2 people from barrier for them, so I got some pretty rad pictures. I'm quite proud of them. Next was a bit of The Black Kids, then onto Cat Power. By this time (5ish) my legs were already killing me so we spent a lot of time sitting down and chilling out to the musics. Some bands are best enjoyed from the dirty ground. After Cat Power we shimmied over a stage to watch The Raconteurs, who fluvvin ROCKED. The best part though was the group of 20 somethings in front of us who were definitely dancing like no one was watching. But in reality? Everyone was watching. Someone had one too many sport bottles of wine...
Finally was Radiohead. I can't say I'm a huge fan of them, but they were the last and only band playing at the end of the day. The crowd was HUGE. After that my sister and I went straight to the after party we were supposed to be able to get into. We looked like the only people who went straight there; we were wearing jean skirts and t-shirts, everyone else was actually clean and wearing dresses and nice pants. So we felt like scrubs. And left after being there for about 45 minutes. The song "The City is At War" never made so much sense to me, because we watched a lot of people get let in before us because they were supposably "talent." Eww.

Saturday August 2 2008! Damn You Look Good and I'm Drunk (Scandalous)/Fourth Drink Instinct
Got there just in time to catch the last 3 or 4 songs of The Ting Tings, who by the way, are fucking awesome. They put on an energetic and enthralling live show. We walked to the next stage, we paused next to Dr. Dog because I wanted a feel for their sound, then we watched Mason Jennings, who was also great. Next, I have no clue whatsoever how this happened, but I just roped into watching Dierks Bentley. It should be noted that I dislike country music very, very much. The twanginess and nasally voices send bad shivers up my spine. A little bit of begging later and we moved on to Steel Train. I saw them play back in July on the Dance Across the County Tour, and they are still great. Thumbs up. Next was DeVotchKa, of Little Miss Sunshine's soundtrack fame. Jumped over to Brand New after that, and somehow Caitlin, Laura, and I ended up taking a nap in the middle of the field. Well, maybe not napping, but just lying down in the dirt. We are soooooo HXC. After getting refreshed/weird looks, we walked over to Broken Social Scene. I don't really remember their set, I think I was too tired then. Or something. It could have been all the second hand pot I inhaled thus far (that shit was everywhere). Does anyone know if you can get high from that? Because, if so, I think I did.
ANYHOW, on our way to Toadie's, my sister conceded to let me have her ID for the night so I could get into Angels & Kings that night. I really wanted to hang out with the TAI... boys again, and I just about flipped my shit when my sister told me I could have that. I have a feeling there might be some legal backlash in posting that, but I'm willing to risk it. After Toadie's we watched Rage Against the Machine, and HOLY FUCK. Can you say AMAZING?! Because that's what that was. They stopped their show 3 times in a 45 minute time frame to get the crowd to unsuccessfully stop fighting each other. Thank God we weren't any closer or else I would have been moshed to death. Other than that, their set was amazing. Mind blowing, one might say.

After we left I embarked on my underaged, illegal trip to Angels & Kings. I had cleaned my feet off with little wet naps but other than that I was going exactly like I had been at Lolla all day--lying in the dirt and all. I got there, got in the line to get in, looked to my left and saw Michael Guy Chislett. I talked to him briefly, got back in line, then went up to talk to the Butcher. I ended up taking to him for about 15 minutes, as well as Jack the Camera Guy , Jack's BFF, and Jack's BFF's girlfriend. Oh the possessive nouns. Then the Butcher brought me inside with him (didn't even need my sister's ID--w00t w00t). I get in, and then I'm almost stopped in my tracks because Cobra was playing on the super small stage. I got up super close, took some pictures, and smiled like a maniac. I caught only 3 1/2 songs, those being Prostitution (I think, I don't really remember), Damn You Look Good and I'm Drunk (Scandalous) (which is my second favorite song by them), 30 seconds of Hollaback Boy, and then My Moves are White (White Hot, That Is) (which is my favorite song by them). I talked to Jack's BFF and Jack's BFF's girlfriend for a while, whose names I do not remember/never learned, and just hung out in there for a while. Went back outside eventually, where I proceeded to talk to the Butcher for another 30 or 45 minutes. I saw him and Jack pick each other up as if it was their honeymoon and they were carrying each other over the threshold. I was kinda amazed by how easily they picked each other up. They're both pretty light--I think--but apparently quite muscular. Sadly I had to leave the fun outting at 1 (thanks for the curfew, sis) and so marked the end of another spectacular night.

Sunday August 3 2008! Born For This
We uber slept in this day, because my sister and I were both feeling incredibly drained due to being out in the sun so frequently and for such elongated periods of time. I see the bands on Warped Tour in a whole new light now--I respect them and their merch people way more now. It takes balls to keep that up.
We missed The Blakes, The Weakerthans, and Chromeo, but we caught the end of The Black Kids. Next stop was Iron & Wine, which made me feel so peaceful. Gah. Flogging Molly killed my chilled out mood with their set, which was awesome (despite the guys behind us who kept yelling "PLAY OLDER STUFF!"). A few seconds of Gnarls Barkley and then onto Girl Talk.

I don't care how good that guy is, I could not stand being at his set. The music was great, yeah, but I could not breath, I was surrounded by people drugged out of their mind, I smelled a wide assortment of new substances, and the girl in front of me would not stop dancing on me. Hi lady, I'm not a pole. GTFO.
Uh...next we walked past Mark Ronson and staked out spots of Kanye West. He put on a pretty great show, and he almost had me in tears when he dedicated the show to his mom. It was pretty powerful, to be honest. I don't care if you do or don't like Kanye, the guy knows how to work a crowd.
We heard the song Don't Stop Believing played 3 times in a 3 hour time span there, from 3 different artists. It was whack/awesome.

Well, that's pretty much the end of my Lolla weekend. If there's one notable thing about the crowd there, it's how creative they get with their drugs. Last year I saw a group of guys using an apple to smoke their pot, this year I saw a group of guys using a mouthpiece from a tuba to get high. So inventive!
I walked away with a new number in my phone (*wink*wink*) and a billion times more confidence. My life did a pretty drastic overhaul in the past week. Getting back home was really surreal. I missed the city already on Tuesday night when I got home, and I'm missing it even more now. I'm super bummed because I'm also realizing it's going to be forever until I get to go to another show. Unless the heart murmur has any thing to say about it...

HI I LIKE TO YELL MY UNINFORMED AND IGNORANT OPINIONS AT PEOPLE TO CONVEY HOW I AM SUPERIOR TO EVERYONE ELSE. WHILE YOU'RE ALL IN READING UP ON SUBJECTS AND LEARNING THINGS I'M FUELING MY RAGE TOWARDS THINGS I DON'T LIKE BY LOOKING AT PICTURES THAT PISS ME OFF.

Okay, so I totally would have written this up last night if I didn't have to jump on a bus to Chicago an hour after I left Warped Tour. That being said, better a little late than never, right?

The day started off with me badgering people to fill out surveys on a little palm pilot so I could get my warpedreporter.com wristband (i.e. backstage pass). After I harassed a sufficient amount of people (5) I got my wristband and then was let in before pretty much everyone else. I checked out the schedule, wrote down the times and stages of the bands I wanted to see, then took a picture of the board for future reference, just in case. With the wristband I got to choose one band to watch from the stage. It had to be a band on the mainstage that was playing before 4. I jumped quickly and signed up for The Academy Is... (don't act shocked). They didn't play until 1:30, so I just walked around for a few hours, checking out bands and hitting up the merch tables. I made quite a few BFFLs there, like Steve from GCH and Aisha from TAI.... By the end of the day we were on a first name basis, probably because I walked by them a lot and stopped to chat often.


ANYHOW, on to the good stuff. I watched a little bit of Mayday Parade and realized that I need to listen to them for every day of the rest of my life. Next, I met up with Amberlynn (ohiougirl2018) and she snuck me backstage with her and her friends into the VIP press area. She was set to interview Cobra Starship soon, so I was going to try to hang out for that, but I had to leave to get ready to go on stage with TAI soon. I got to see Alex Suarez and tried to take some "discreet" photos, but probably looked like a stalker more than anything. Oh well, it was worth it.

Next on the agenda was being brought on stage for The Academy Is.... While waiting for Relient K to finish up, me and two other Warped Reporters hung out on the side of the stage and caught glimpses of such familiar faces as The Butcher, Sisky, Chizzy, and Carden. Last but not least William walked by and in true fangirl fashion my heart stopped for half a second. At that point, being on stage for The Academy Is... was the highlight of my life. The energy was great. I was standing right behind The Butcher and got some intense shots of him drumming. Sisky would turn around and put on his "hell yeah I'm awesome" face and I got a few pictures of that as well (p.s. we made eye contact, like, 7 times, OMG). Mike Carden was difficult to get, as was William, because we had the stage sign blocking our view. And Chizzy was kinda far away but I still managed a few good shots.

I stayed for their whole set, taking pictures form the side of the stage. I was standing decently close and right next to the speakers. My whole body was vibrating with the music and it was the singlemost euphoric sensation in my life. Wow. Since I stayed for all of TAI...'s set, I had to miss All Time Low. I was kinda bummed about it, but then I remembered that I had just stood on stage with The Academy Is... and I got over it.


So next I went to the Cobra signing, which actually just turned into a photo-only event, and they took the picture and would e-mail it to us. Also, if you bought a pair of Cobra sunglasses the band signed them for you. I got there at a decent time so I was pretty close up in line, and when I got into the tent with them I went around and gave them all hugs. Gabe, by far, wins the Best Hugger award. Ryland wins the Most-Awkward-Entaglement-of-Gangly-Arms-Ever Hug award. After my picture and when my sunglasses were being passed around, I confessed my admiration to Vicky-T and told her how much I respect her and think she's amazing. This earned me a greatly appreciated high-five.

(Gabe is such a happy camper).

Next was on to the TAI... signing, where I befriended 5 or so strangers in line. My social skills yesterday astounded me because I was talking to people I had never met before and I hadn't made a complete fool of myself yet. Score one for Sara.

Jack the Camera guy was standing there giving Santi's Little Helpers a sneak-peek preview of a new song off the album. I joined the club that day, because I'm a slave to the Man. He asked me if I wanted to listen and I told him "No, sorry Jack, I'm going to wait. I'm 'saving myself' for August 19th." It elicited a chuckle or three.
The TAI... signing was pretty much a factory line event, where you just passed something down the line to get it signed.
No photos.
No more than one item.
No casual conversation.
I broke all of those rules, suckas! I got my Rock & Roll notebook signed, then passed my rubber ducky through discreetly. When it got to William he just looked up and asked "Who's is this?" He acted like it was something crazy to get signed. Pshh. Anyhow, I raised my hand and owned up to it and he TOTES smiled at me. Also, I shook the Butcher's hand and he asked if he saw me back stage (why yes, yes you did, sir) and Sisky told me he saw me backstage and that he liked my t-shirt (Team Travis ftw!). I then talked to their merch girl Aisha about how she got her job and we ended up having a 45 minute conversation about how it's harder for a girl to make it in the biz because people make assumptions. We ended up exchanging phone numbers by the end of the day and she told me to "keep in touch." Yay for new friends!


Anyhow, next I moved on to hanging out with Amberlynn some more in the VIP section because she was about to interview Travi of GCH, but he didn't show up, so we went over to drop our stuff off elsewhere, caught a glimpse of Katy Perry, then a new mutual friend of us two, Maddie, and I booked it back for Cobra Starship. We finaggled our way to third back from the stage and slightly left of center. We had a great spot, I got a lot of great shots, I took an accidental video recording of Ryland squirt-gunning the crowd, and the crowd surfers were being idiots. The same people kept going, a girl's bum fell on Maddie's head, and then I had to use my entire body (lifting with my legs, not with my back!) to pick up another girl. Ugh. Cobra had an amazing set and are excellent live performers. Just...wow.

Next we caught a bit of Katy Perry, but I left that because I wanted to see some of Gym Class Heroes. I saw three or four songs, then met up with Amberlynn again at Family Force 5. There was a bit of complication there, but we enjoyed their set anyhow. They are fantastic entertainers. We missed Angels and Airwaves, but I myself was not too bummed about it. I'm really not a fan, but hey--some people are and that's okay!
/cheese factor

Next we were sitting in the grass waiting for Amberlynn to come back, and then Aisha came by and needed help carrying merch things, and after I helped she told me she would get us into the barbeque. Amberlynn had someone to get us in, too, so we were pretty golden. We got back there and, Maddie and I being the youngest, were freaking stoked. At this point I should mention that I didn't have any food all day except a granola bar, mostly because I couldn't bother myself to actually buy food any where. However, I didn't find any veggie burgers so I ended up not having anything. Bummer. I decided to not take pictures back in the party area because I didn't want to look like a total n00b (evenmoreso).

Maddie and I went off on our own to try to find our favorite band members to talk to, but we were so much in awe that we had to talk each other through the process of talking to band members.
"Start small with someone we don't know or love too much, and then work our way up to someone big like William Beckett or something."
We ended up walking around in circles a lot, and on our first circuit we located TAI...'s tour bus because we saw a tall, dark, and frighteningly handsome figure walk into it (OH HAI WILLIAM).

On another lap through the busses, we saw Nasty Nate dancing, Danny Stevens being a pal to people, Jack Barakat hanging out, and Gabe Saporta DJing. There were so many people there but it was hard to distinguish them all. Upon another lap through, our final one in fact, about twenty yards ahead of us we saw William again. We nervously approached him, I tapped him on the shoulder, and we exchanged hellos. Naturally, I started blabbering about how amazing I think he and the band is, and how I love his way with words, and how I enjoy reading his blog, and then out of nowhere there was The Butcher. We exchanged hellos, and then William turned to him and said:
"These two girls are so kind and polite and so nice, I'm going to bring Julian (a random friend who was with him) and them back to the bus to listen to the new album." Then, turning to us, "Does that sound cool?"

WAIT. WHAT THE HELL. HOLY CRAP.

So me, Maddie, Julian, and William Beckett walked to The Academy Is...'s tour bus. Michael Guy Chislette was sitting there, we said hello and shook hands, then William led us back through the bunk area and into the very back. Mike Carden had just fallen into his bunk, so we didn't exactly get to talk to him. William tidied the place up a bit, invited us to sit down, and then he hooked up the iPod with the album on it. Then, and I quote, "Now, this is going to be an adjustment for your eyes, but it'll be better, I promise." He dimmed the lights.

I was on the back of The Academy Is...'s tour bus, with one complete stranger, one casual acquaintance, and William Beckett. William left the room briefly and came back with something to drink for him and Julian. We just sat their, listening to Fast Times at Barrington High, and after His Girl Friday played he looked at us devilishly and said "New tracks, something you've never heard before." At one point The Butcher came back, looking for a beer or something in the cooler back there (to be honest, he literally walked back there like a gorilla. He was kinda dragging his knuckles and acting silly) but there wasn't anything there, so he walked away ashamed. The whole time I was just sitting there, tapping my toes or keeping a beat with my finger tips, mouthing the words I knew, humming a bit, and smiling like a maniac because I could not believe my luck in life. He would pause it occasionally and give us notes about the song that was about to play (so much better than a CD insert). We didn't get to listen to the last two songs because the busses had to leave soon, but on our way out Sisky was sitting on the couch and I talked to him a bit. I told him he makes some pretty intense facial expressions on stage and that made for fun photographs, to which he responded "Really? Because usually I just look like this" and he contorted his face in a ridiculously too-funny way. We bade farewell, William walked us off the bus, and then we thanked him profusely. We got a picture with him each before we left. And then that hour we spent on the bus became the highlight of my life.



Best day ever.

p.s. Stay tuned, this weekend I'm doing Lollapalooza coverage as well ;)

Here are two of the nicest notes I have ever received:






And OH SHIT.




By the way I'm in Cincinnati, in my brother's apartment, chillaxin'. Warped in about 11 hours. Fuck sleeping.

I hate it when I feel like I have a solid subject, something that I know quite a bit about, something I'm passionate about, and when I start writing it all falls apart. I can't formulate my thoughts properly if at all. I get a topic sentence out and then I stare at the screen thinking "What next?" If there was a simpler way for me to transition my brainwaves to pixels then I'd have them on the screen for you to read or dissect or analyze or tear apart or what have you.

There are also moments when I see something and it's just perfect. I want to see it the same way through a lens and photograph it, but it seems whenever a camera comes between me and the scene or object I see, it gets muddled. A camera can't capture things I see the way I see them and it's frustrating. The pictures I take hold an untold backstory, and I think that's why these pictures don't turn out like I want them to, because you can't see the story. And sometimes the captions I tack on aren't sufficient and I just get frustrated.

But I guess it just means that there are thoughts that are meant to be my own and not shared, and there are moments in my life that a camera can't capture so I should just put the lens cap on and enjoy.

Fuck it, I'm done fighting this battle.

Real life, say hello to me.

Since I'm a major fail at life, I haven't been able to make your t-shirts yet. I've had a lot going on lately and I'm not home that often. Also, I don't exactly have the money on me to buy the supplies.

I feel really shitty for bailing on your guys, but with the times as they are (me not being home ever, and leaving for a college soon) I just can't find a spare moment. I can send you the picture and you can print it off or something, but I can't make the shirts. BECAUSE I SUCK AT KEEPING PROMISES. As well as living up to expectations. Shit.

Since privacy is an issue, consider all of the addresses you provided me with forgotten and thrown away. I won't send you strippergrams or anything heinous like that.

Jaimy, I'll talk to you more about the situation. Hopefully you'll get a message from me before you read this.

I wish I could blog all deep-like and say interesting things and make enticing insights about life. And while I like to claim that I have a way with words, it rarely shows. Maybe I should start writing my journals with everything in stanzas and with a rhyme scheme. Or-ay ite-wray rething-evay in-ay ig-pay latin-ay.

Or not.

I'm less than a week away from Warped Tour. I have myself convinced that in two weeks, once I get back home from all of the "interesting" things I'll be doing next week, I will be a totally different person. I'll have a mental (and physical, you'll see what I mean) make-over. I'll be doing things that I've never done before and I'll be meeting idols and people I generally admire, from afar or otherwise. I'm going to return to you on August 5th a changed person. I hope.

I found a book at the library three days ago called "I'm a Lebowski, You're a Lebowski: Life,The Big Lebowski, and What Have You." It's focus is primarily trying to understand why the movie The Big Lebowski has such a hit movie, and so far they've established that the zen-ness of The Dude is probably the cause. The book conveys said zen-ness quite well, and even though I haven't seen that movie in ages it still puts me in a very mellow state of mind.

I think that having the ability to be astounded by every little thing in life is admirable. Being a kind human being who believes in doing good things for others just to do them is something to aspire to be. There are people who only do good deeds in hopes for something in return, and then there are people who are nice just to be nice. The world needs more people like this.

Generally, I've realized that, to quote the song Tire Swing by Kimya Dawson, I'm a pretty impossible lady to be with. Or even around for that matter. Sometimes I tend to get easily annoyed and I have to "take breaks" from certain friends because their tendencies just get under my skin. I've been on a friend break from one person all summer so far and I feel like a total ass hole for it. In fact, I'm pretty sure that makes me a certifiable asshole.

Last night one of my friends and I sat in my car with the convertible top down, seats all the way back, parked in his driveway just staring up at the stars and occasionally talking. I had thrown a short playlist together on my iPod, because that's just what I do, and I couldn't help but giggle when "Bang the Doldrums" played. With lyrics like "Best friends, ex-friends to the end, better off as lovers and not the other way around" I couldn't keep a straight face. Mostly because the two of us have spent a majority of the past 4 years in an awkward limbo between liking each other and liking each other. Then, with the playlist on shuffle and everything that played being spontaneously ordered, the song "Vegas Skies" came on about 9 seconds before midnight. When it turned midnight, the lyrics started almost as if on cue with "It's twelve o' clock and I need your attention." My life's soundtrack is totally tuned in with what's going on.

There was a time not too long ago when I would aspire for my life to be just like a movie. Hasn't everyone had that desire? I wanted to have things be perfectly dramatic, I wanted the timing to always be right, and I wanted that Clark Gable-eqsue romance. I was happy at my most cliche life moments. However, I recently realized that cliche moments are (obviously) so over done and outplayed. I'd rather spice things up, make my own character. So far that's working pretty well.

Finally, sometime soon I will do my write-up about The Cab, and I will do the 12 songs I got tagged to do, and I will do the 5 things that annoy me tag, and I will do the interesting things about me tag.

Right after I write up this chapter...

Thanks to anyone who has ever suggested one of my pictures (I just got my 49th today. WOW!!!!).

Thank you to anyone who has ever buzzed my posts (I'm about to hit another milemarker on the buzzcount, for what it's worth).

Thanks to everyone who has added me as a friend and every who has accepted my friend requests (I just hit 600 friends earlier today).

Thanks for supporting me, encouraging me, and everything through the past (almost) 8 months. I've grown as a writer, a photographer, and probably a bit as a person.

I don't know why I wanted to post this as a journal, but I just wanted to let everyone know that I appreciate everything you do on here (for everyone and their mothers, not just for me).

Inspired by a comment I left on MissxShocking's post, I give you, 'I Kissed The Joker'

This was never the way I planned,
not my intention.
I got so brave,
your card in hand.
Lost my discretion
It's not what I'm used to.
Just wanna joke around.
I'm ser-ious for you,
caught my attention.

I kissed The Joker and I liked it,
dazzled by his pencil-magic trick.
I kissed The Joker just to try it,
I hope that Batman don't mind it.
It felt so wrong,
it felt so right.
Don't mean we'll get serious tonight.
I kissed The Joker and I liked it.
(I liked it)

No, I dont even know your real name,
it doesn't matter.
We'll play an unserious game,
just Joker nature.
I'll give you your one call.
You don't have to behave.
Nurse's outfit, what a doll.
Show off those legs.

I kissed The Joker and I liked it,
dazzled by his pencil-magic trick.
I kissed The Joker just to try it,
I hope that Batman don't mind it.
It felt so wrong,
it felt so right.
Don't mean we'll get serious tonight.
I kissed The Joker and I liked it.
(I liked it)


The Joker is so magical.
Black eyes, red lips, so kissable.
Hard to be serious,
so touchable.
Too good to deny it.
Ain't no big deal,
it's not serious.

I kissed The Joker and I liked it,
dazzled by his pencil-magic trick.
I kissed The Joker just to try it,
I hope that Batman don't mind it.
It felt so wrong,
it felt so right.
Don't mean we'll get serious tonight.
I kissed The Joker and I liked it.
(I liked it)

Journals like these bother me, because I see them as more of a ploy for attention than an attempt to gain knowledge to better oneself.

I assure you, in this case, the latter is true and the former is only half-true (honestly, I can't deny it).

Tell me the uncensored truth; what do you think of me? Don't candy coat it. If you feel what you have to say is too obscene for comments, feel free to message it to me. I want to know.